My lack of writing has not stemmed from a lack of learning, a lack of news, or a lack of desire.
No, rather my lack of writing has stemmed from a lack of news that I can share.
The adoption roller coaster has kept right on rolling. Here's the basic gist of adoption: "Yes. No. Maybe. Yes. No. No. Maybe?" It makes my heart hurt. There is no black and white in domestic adoption. There are a thousand shades of gray between a mother choosing you to mother her child.
In those shades of gray, there have been a lot of tears, prayers, and growth.
We still don't have a child, baby, or even a puppy. (Believe me, I've been lobbying for the puppy....)
But I'm becoming thankful for these days of waiting.
In these days I've learned that my God is gentle. He loves me. His plan for me is specifically designed to conform me to the likeness of His Son. Seeking Him. Seeking His glory. Isn't that why we set out on this voyage? Isn't proclaiming the glory of God through adoption our goal?
I'm not saying that peace has enveloped me in a cocoon of warm fuzzies. I don't smile with amicable joy every night as I turn off the light, "Look, honey, another day without an adoption. What a blessing." I think happily opening your arms to suffering makes you more of a sadist than a saint. But recognizing pain as an instrument in the hands of an all-knowing, all-powerful God, will give you delightful peace in the midst of chaos.
Uncertainty is not a fear that cripples. It's a scenario that strengthens. I recognize that my God is in control. My God is loving. And my God will work all things simultaneously for my good and His glory. He is making me like His Son. Think of that! Being made like Christ! I am a pathetic, self-absorbed, sinful person. And God is willing to take all this time--my entire life--to remake me. What a massive task!
And what a patient, loving God. He does not delight in suffering. He gathers my tears in a bottle. He will someday wipe each drop from my eyes. But He knows that in this fallen world, I need reasons to seek Him. I need chipping, polishing, and remolding.
I love the words of Joni Eareckson Tada:
“Sometimes God allows what he hates to accomplish what he loves.”