This is our faith journey.
Our great walk through an unknown desert.
Recently a friend asked me about our adoption finances... the feasibility of adoption... how we planned.
And my answer was a blend of laughter and fear.
You see, dear friend, when we set out on this great adventure, we knew two things: we knew that we could cut certain cost areas in our life to add to our savings, and we knew that we had to adopt, even if we didn't have the money, in-hand, at the outset.
Adoption is incredibly, painfully, back-breakingly expensive.
So we cut corners, told ourselves "no," and lived on approximately half of our annual income.
But it wasn't enough. We consistently, every step of the way, came up short. Every time. We would plan it perfectly down to the penny, and suddenly an extra fee would emerge, or another check would be needed. For example, while we were in the hospital with our son, we were given a $4800 lawyer bill. We had been told that bill would be $3000. We were asked to pay it right away. We had been told that it wouldn't be due until March.
Our agency was wonderful. There was nothing in the process where they intentionally tried to mislead us. It's just the name of the adoption game.
But when you're living on nothing, when you have nothing, when you have no idea how to make something from nothing... that's when God's work is displayed in technicolor.
We would clean out our bank account, and someone would give us a gas card so we could get to work. We would write a massive check and have no idea how we were going to buy groceries, and someone would hand us a Visa gift card. We needed a $500 payment, and someone, who we barely knew, gave us a check for $535 dollars.
Rain in abundance, O God, you shed abroad;
you restored your inheritance as it languished;10
your flock found a dwelling in it;
in your goodness, O God, you provided for the needy. (Ps. 68.9,10)
God provides for the needy. And watching Him work was life-changing.
Don't ever tell yourself that you can't adopt because of finances. If God has laid on your heart a passion for parentless children, then do it. Adopt. Blessings untold will come from walking out in faith, towards a truth you know, but don't have the strength to complete in your own human effort.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (James 1:27)
But, despite His magnificent attention to the details of my life, I'm writing this right now to remind myself. You see, the adoption money woes aren't over. I think I was mentally prepping myself for an easy slide back into normalcy.
That hasn't happened.
We have no savings. We have no checking. And every paycheck, a massive amount gets cut out to pay the lawyer fees. And I had let my guard down. Or rather, I had taken back up the responsibility of providing for my family. I assumed that having a baby in my arms meant that my rigorous trusting of God was over.
God provides everything even when I'm resting in my own financial security. He is just as constant in his provision then, as he is when I'm not sure where the money will come from.
So today, rather than opening (again!) at my rather empty bank account, I'm opening my hands to pray, and my heart to repent...
For there is beautiful peace, in the midst of rain... when you are trusting in a God who does not forget, nor does He fail.