Our Story: Bub, A Toga, and Vomit

We have a love story.

I am right in the middle of my (tumultuous, laughter-filled, crazy, unplanned) "happily ever after." And I'm loving every moment of walking with the wonderful man which God gave me.

I always loved hearing every detail of my parents' story, and God's plan through marriage is one of the most delightful workings of His grace, so, I'm going to use this fall-into-winter, to commemorate our crazy rush down the aisle.

Because we were crazy. Stark-raving mad. And totally, completely meant for each other.

It began as October began to wrap its crisp fingers around the world. I had begun my career in September (finally!) after six long years of school. I was in love with life. And I was blissfully content. Alone. With my wonderful roomie, a fabulous job (money, finally!), and family.

Other people were not quite as content as I was. It does seem like as soon as you become fully content with being alone, everyone else decides it's an absolute necessity to find you someone. I would smile, nod, and ignore all suggestions. God had finally planted me in perfect peace. It was heavenly. I did not want a man.

Which is, of course, when he entered.

Scott Allison. His picture in the church bulletin insert made him look about 32 years old. His educational background (Pensacola Christian College) made me think of ankle-length skirts and panty-hose. I shook his hand in a long line of people welcoming him to the church. It was cold. And he looked like he was trying really hard to be cheerful.

Through the remnants of September, into October, we would bump into each other occasionally. He always looked chronically tired and determinedly happy. And he was busy. All the time. Constantly. He worked like crazy cakes. So, even though he wore old man jeans, too much flannel, and had a hyper-conservative college experience, I started watching Scott Allison.

The vomit sealed the deal.

A very distraught, whining child worked herself up into a frenzy. And then she hurled all over a preschool classroom one Wednesday night. I was picking up my little sis, Julie-Bop, and I saw Scott, down on his hands and knees, cleaning up vomit for the queasy teachers.

That was it. Any guy who would clean up that mess--voluntarily--was worth some attention. Plus, I had a sneaking suspicion that he didn't really need help when he asked me to serve in the Community Center on October 16th. But, since he was willing to clean up vomit, I was willing hand out gym towels and find out more about Scott Allison.

So, I curled my hair, bought a new sweatshirt (so I could look effortlessly pulled-together), and showed up for a four hour shift. It was entertaining. The people I talked to on that day... I went toe-to-toe with a volunteer's adamant stance on questionable movie choices, counseled a crying mother, and cleaned bathrooms, and passed out lots of towels. Scott kept taking me places and "training" me: how to raise and lower basketball hoops, doing laundry, stocking the janitor's closet... And he kept talking. He shared his testimony, family history, upbringing, and how he's not a Bible-thumping-King-James-only preacher.

It was fun. I liked him. He was funny. And quirky.

Which is why, on October 27th, 2012, at the Annual Harvest Party, after my Wednesday night FCI class, I walked up and down the hall, ostensibly to find different people and chit-chat, I actually just wanted to see Scott.

And there he was! Wearing a bed-sheet toga. Because he was Pontius Pilate. Obviously. My mouth wiggled as I controlled my laughter. Our brief conversation was stilted and unsatisfactory. It's very hard to small-chat with a man draped in cream, 300 thread count bedding.

I left. A little bummed. After all, that Saturday may have just been a fluke.

"Courtney!"

I turned. A toga-clad man was jogging towards me.

"Here. There are some extra pumpkins. You want one?"

I grinned. Yes. Of course I wanted a pumpkin. "Sure. What's this one's name?" Everyone knows that each pumpkin has a name.

"Ummm... Bub?"

"Bub. Okay. Thanks."

We exchanged awkward grins... And our love story began.



Happy October 27th!

"I will never leave thee..."

 Waiting is hard. And scary. But God's "steadfast love is great to the heavens, [his] faithfulness to the clouds."

"Thou art all I need.
Let me continually grasp the promise,
'I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.'''
"I cry out to God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me.
God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness."











(Valley of Vision, Psalm 57)

Some news... be excited!

My heart is overflowing with gratitude.

Countless people have prayed for us and our future children in the past few weeks (and months!), and we're amazed at the love that the people in our lives have shown us.

Thank you.

And so... some news on our little elephants-- yes, I said elephantS! Plural! We hope...

We have been selected to adopt a three year old little girl, and her soon-to-be-born (in January) sibling.

We are still waiting for final papers to be signed. The situation is longer, stickier, and more emotionally draining than either of us anticipated. Things may still fall apart... But God is holding us together.

Thank you for your prayers, and... keep praying!!!!

Please...pray

My husband will tell you that I'm not the most "open" person. While I am shockingly transparent with certain information, I tend to cloister myself away and not divulge deep, inner workings of my heart. This blog post goes completely against my nature.

But I have become increasingly convicted regarding the power of prayer and the way in which it is lacking in the church community today... the way it is lacking in my life today.

One of the barriers to fervent prayer is pride.

I don't like for others to see my weakness.

Or forgetfulness.

"I'll be praying for you!" And then we never do...

Or, it could be we are merely dismissive.

After all, what is my prayer going to do anyway? God will do what he likes.

But we have been pleading with God regarding our adoption. We have been begging for help. We have been down on our knees. We have experienced pleading with fasting, tears, and periods of worship.

Would you join us?

If a birth mom does not sign away her rights by October 15th, Scott and I will lose a huge portion of financial help in the form of a tax credit. (And, on top of that, I'm not sure how many more times I can be told that I'm getting a baby... and then walk off without a baby.)

God is sovereign.

God has a plan.

And God is willing to let my prayers (and yours!) influence His plans...

Will you please pray? Please? God's grace is sufficient... and He is capable of BIG things. If we ask.

The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

James 5:16

 
Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

John 16:24 

Let's Change Perspective, Shall We?

Welcome to the land of adoption.

It's very confusing here. Things change constantly. Your hope gets lifted up so many times, and then dropped so many times, that you start taking emotional Dramamine and praying for an end to the sea-sickness.

That is where we are living.

I cannot (and at this point will not) go into more details. Since I am I woman, I want to share every detail, but since I am also a rational being, I recognize that in thirty minutes, I could have an entirely new set of details. Everything is fuzzy. Everything is transient. Nothing is stable. Nothing is reliable.

That's domestic adoption.

Right now, we have no child. We have no baby. There is no adoption court date. We have talked to several moms, we have had phone calls with multiple social workers. Nothing is written in ink, nothing has even been sketched out in pencil.

We are learning so many things about God, that I have a slew of blog posts until the end of 2012. I've even started writing in a daily journal... there's just too much to even keep up with on a blog. I am astounded at the greatness, goodness, patience, sufficiency, sovereignty, constancy, joy, support, grace, mercy, forgiveness, gentleness.... (you get the idea).... of our God. What a blessing to walk through this with Him. I have no idea how you could do this without Him...

But as we walk through this roller coaster, we have had a shift in goals and perspective.

We want children. We started this process because we want children. In fact, we want so many children, we are crazy. And we know that. (Does 9 sound like too many?) But in our pursuit of children, we tried to be very careful that our first priority was the sharing of the Gospel. We want children because we want to raise a generation that fears God. We wanted to interact with the social workers, the lawyers, the birth mom, and all extended family in a way that showed who we serve and who we worship.

God was gracious with these desires.

And He expanded our narrow thinking.

He took our view of the Gospel and made it bigger. He took our view of the cross and stretched it farther. He flipped our expectations and dreams around, and showed us an entirely different perspective.

In short, God made this journey bigger than us. He made it bigger than getting children. He made it bigger than creating our family. He made it bigger than displaying love through welcoming any gender, skin color, or birth condition. He made it bigger than our dreams, our desires, and our (hopefully) huge future family.

He made it about HIM.

We desperately want children. But that is not why we are in this adoption. Our views have now changed. Our goal is to give God glory. That's it. So you may hear us doing some crazy things. We may get involved in some messy lives. We may have promises broken, take scary risks, and cry often. We probably do "crazy" things and live in a way that is not entirely safe... because we are learning to love as Christ loved.

If we have no children.
Fine.
If we have a million-and-one adoption chances fall through.
Okay.
If our hearts are broken again and again.
All right.
If I never earn the title "mommy" and Scott is never called "daddy."
It will be fine.

In fact, it will be wonderful. Because God has only good planned for us, and we know that "no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless." Right now we are enraptured with the beauty of God's glory. And we are delighted, children or no children, to share that with the world. We don't know what that looks like, we don't know what tomorrow holds. But if, while we walk this journey, we fall deeper in love with our Savior, and we fulfill our roles as His children in our interactions with others... that is a beautiful thing.

And I would not dream of asking for more.

We have been blessed beyond measure.

You have said, "Seek my face," My heart says to you, "Your face, Lord, do I seek." I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
~Psalm27~

The Power of the Holy Spirit...

But if we hope for what we do not see, 

we wait for it with patience.

 

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. 

For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, 

but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 

 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, 

 because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

Romans 8:25-27

Just keep praying, just keep praying...

I'm learning the power of prayer... not in changing my circumstances, but rather, in changing my attitude in the midst of these same circumstances.

We're in a holding pattern with our adoption, with our plans for next year, with work, and I had begun to feel like my very growth and development was in the same, ever-circling, never progressing pattern.

Waiting will give you that sensation.

But then God reminded me of prayer... An avenue to my great God. A place where I can bare my soul, cry for help, rejoice with laughter, and sit quietly with no words.

So.

I began to pray. For real. In earnest. Every day. Hour after hour. Consistently.

I hope I never stop.

Nothing on the outside has changed, but God has given amazing growth. God has shown His character in astonishing ways.

God has become my friend.

"The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him." (Ps. 25)