I feel like a mommy elephant.
I don't know how long the wait will be (maybe as much as 22 months!), and I feel like I've been carrying around at least 250 pounds of paperwork. Adoption saves babies while it simultaneously kills trees.
In the interest of keeping all of our loved ones in the loop, I'll try to use this post to give you a little more information about the process. Careful! I just saw your head nod... About to doze off, are you? Well, so be it. Other women blog about their morning sickness. I'm going to blog about my paper cuts.
Here's our process (decry it, modify it, bemoan it, praise it... whatevs. God is big enough to use us inspite of us.)
1. We found an agency we liked.
This was actually a massive hurdle to overcome. We made it one of our family goals for 2012 that we would research and begin to pursue adoption. There are a crap load of adoption agencies. Seriously. Tons. We were supposed to have an agency chosen by the end of March (per our 2012 strategic plan).
The end of March rolled around. No agency.
The end of April rolled around. Still no agency.
We had contacted multiple agencies. We had even gone to meet with one (unnamed) Christian organization in Indy. The conversation still makes me chuckle...
We were escorted into a dim office, complete with pictures of children from multiple nationalities and large comfy chairs. The woman who turned to greet us was in her early 60's. In a perfectly modulated voice she welcomed us, and began to go through the process of the adoption with their agency.
All the fluff-Christian catchphrases rolled right out of her mouth. I'm pretty gosh-darn sure that she is probably the person who created said phrases... "We're all God's children." "Love is all that matters." "You must never discipline your adopted child. They may develop abandonment issues."
Watching Scott's skin crawl was positively delightful. I, meanwhile, pretended to eat it all up, and I even asked her to repeat some horrible child-psych book that recommends hugging your child instead of disciplining. But the part where we knew this was not our adoption "home" was when she started talking about their guidelines for adoption.
Their application required a "faith summary" to let them know about our stance on religion. Scott asked a seemingly benign question:
"So, all the people who adopt through you are some branch of Christianity?"
The woman looked surprised, "Oh, no... We are helping a Muslim family adopt from Pakistan right now."
We nodded smilingly.
"After all," she continued, "They pray to Allah for this adoption and we pray to God, so we're all really just praying to the same person, you know. Isn't that lovely?"
I almost choked. Scott's face looked like cast-iron. While I have absolutely no problem with adoption occurring to people with other beliefs, the blatant pandering and fluffy nonsense this woman was spinning made me want to hurl.
So end of April. Still no agency.
Then, one Sunday morning, as I was waiting for Scott to finish cleaning up, I stumbled across the Adoption Support Center (ASC) in Indianapolis. The very first thing that gripped me was their emphasis on caring for the birth mothers of these babies. They very firmly believe that they are a service first to these women, and that we, as adoptive families, are also to serve these brave girls who make such large sacrifices for their babies. More opportunities to share the gospel!
Our introductory seminar to ASC was four hours of information, and while there was fluff, (they played "The Circle of Life" during a baby-slide show) we agreed that their way of approaching adoption seemed healthy.
Agency found: middle of May.
2. Paperwork. Paperwork. Paperwork.
All said and done, we probably completed close to 100 pages of paperwork. Multiple background checks. Medical exams. Biographical information. 150 pictures. Financial data. Pay stubs. Extensive mapping of family trees (this was a separate 90 minute interview... I now know all my uncles' birthdays...).
And we completed it all QUICKLY. The agency has more birth mothers looking than they had families available. They expedited everything we did.
3. Group Counseling.
They called it a homestudy class. It wasn't. It was group counseling with the subtle theme being, "Please don't be a selfish idiot with this poor birth mother."
8 full hours. Judging by the blonde, perfectly manicured woman to my left's questions about how the baby would look... I don't think it sunk in with everyone...
And now we're done.
Just waiting.
For our baby elephant...
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