Through the Tears...May You Taste and See

My heart is breaking.

Aching sorrow, tears, and sleeplessness... 

"...weep with those who weep."

A friend is grieving. The heaviness of grief makes my breath stop. I want to wrap her in a hug that will never stop. To rage, question, sob, and mourn as she walks through this dark, terrifying, and often debilitating forest of grief. I want to be there... to make cups of tea, to take care of necessary chores, to encourage or to quiet the sobs.

But most of all, I want to hold her hand. 

And pray.

Silently.

To myself.

A painful prayer.

I will not pray this prayer out loud. I will not speak my request to her. For now, she must cry. Now she needs to mourn. "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven...a time to weep... a time to mourn." Tears help. Tears are good. 

But I will pray.

I pray that she will see... that she will taste and see the goodness of the Lord. That the beauty and glory of this truth is not spoken from a place of safety, goodness, and blessing, but that it is shouted in a moment of fear and desperation.

This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him

    and saved him out of all his troubles...

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!

    Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

He is here. In this moment. In this trial. In this loss. I have no idea why.  But I know that he is still good. I don't see it. I don't understand. I know that this only happened because He allowed it. And I don't know why He allowed it. I can't see. I've tried. Tears streaming down my face... I've asked. I just don't know.

But he's good. You can taste it. You can see it.

"The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry." He weeps with our grief, and that one of the first things he will do, in a perfected world is to "wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." Before the Hero of the universe proclaims His own glory, even before He announces that He has made "all things new," He stops to tell us, "you will not cry. I will erase this pain. I will make you whole."

But tonight, the tears come. And as my heart aches to reach across the miles with a long, never-ending hug, I cling to this promise, 

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good... [for] The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."*

Oh, Lord, please.... let it be so.

*Psalm 34

Breathing Space and Pumpkin Bread

There are three loaves of pumpkin bread baking. A fan is whirring in the background, and I can hear the neighbor mowing. I just pulled a dinner of salmon and brussel sprouts off the grill. I bought the summer's first watermelon today.

This is idyllic.

And I can breathe.

It's time to tell you what has been happening. Such a crazy life, we lead! Full of sundry smallness, but still so overwhelmingly busy to us finite, weak humans.

Two weeks ago, we got a final offer on our house.

Last Thursday, we closed on our house. We had packed up our lives, our baby, and our memories in 8 short days, and moved in with my parents.

Less than twenty-four hours later, Scott Grant, and I flew out to Philadelphia. Scott was interviewing for a position at a Harvest Bible Chapel as Pastor of Ministry Development. We were blown away by the generosity of the church, the wonderful people, and the need in Philly. (More on this later.) So, when they offered him the job on Saturday, we said "yes." And we met our new church family on Sunday (which was also my first mother's day... more on that later). Then we went on a whirlwind housing expedition (and I will talk about this... later! There's just too much fun in the loving details our God showered on us). And left Philly at noon on Monday.

Now we are living at my parents... Moving back in with the parentals isn't necessarily anyone's idea of fun, but I'm so thankful for this time.

I'm thankful that Grant is getting to spend so much time with his wonderful grandparents, before we move 9 hours away. I'm so thankful that I have a loving mama and dad who would be willing to share their home. I'm so thankful that we're all "friends." And although I'm sure there will come a day when we will all be tired of each other, I'm thankful that day is a long time in coming.

So, I'm popping bread in the oven, doing laundry, and enjoying a slight return to normalcy... And I'm just so delightfully glad that we have a God who provides rest. Not just during nap time and on Sunday, but on a Thursday night, after a long day at work, and an evening with many household chores. Because I'm learning that rest is not based on the length of your "to-do" list, but rather in the recognition of peace and joy in the daily graces given by our wonderful Heavenly Father.



*****
Rustic Pumpkin Bread
1 box yellow cake mix
1 can of pumpkin pie filling.

Preheat oven to 350.

Mix together these two (very easy!) ingredients. (There will still be some lumps.) Scrape into a greased bread pan. **optional: sprinkle with raw sugar for a crusty, sugary top.**

Bake at 350 for approximately an hour. Finish time dependent on pan/oven/altitude. Bread is done when knife inserted in the center comes out clean. This is probably the yummiest smelling bread I've ever made.... My hubby requested that we not give it to the neighbors, but eat all 9 loaves ourselves.

Enjoy with chai tea, of course