My writing is dead...My Lord is Alive

I've sat down to write five times in the past twenty-four hours.


I start to type.


I delete.


I start to type.


I tuck it away to a random folder.


My writing feels dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.


Part of what I'm struggling with is what to share... so much of my life is wrapped up in work (and there are laws about sharing that), and being a new wife (and we're still not sure how the hubby will respond to being a blog topic).


But this morning we sang,

"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned,

In awe of the one who gave it all.

I'll stand, my soul, Lord, to you surrendered,

All I am is Yours."

And each and every time I sing that, I want, so very, very badly to live as if this is so. I don't want the words to come from a heart that isn't committed to whole-hearted passion. I want the abandonment of total service to over-ride fear, timidity, and selfishness.

So, that's why I'm writing. I'm making myself write. Writing is my outlet to praising God. Writing is a gift I was given. Writing is my passion. I have to write. Even when the words won't come.

Writing is my praise and worship.

My soul feels tired. Dry. Stretched. New phases in life will do that to you. I don't know how to be a good wife. I hadn't even mastered being single...

But that's not what I've been asked to do. Perfection has not been demanded. I haven't been asked to gush forth new words, new thoughts, new actions... perfection. I can't be the perfect wife, the perfect daughter, the perfect writer, the perfect... the perfect... the perfect...

I want so badly to be perfect.

But that's not what's being asked.

"Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness." (Romans 6:13)


I am just to offer... all I am is Yours.

 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service.

(I Timothy 1:12)