Hello, 2016, I shake you warmly by the hand

As the title suggests, I'm at probably Willy Wonka levels in my sugar/sweetness/candy intake (note the subtle salute to this great and creepy movie). The holidays got me, and they got me good. Even though everything is "technically" tummy healthy, you can't eat pints of coconut milk ice cream and almond meal chocolate chip cookies for days on end... they always find you.

So, as I stood in the line at the grocery store, debating between roasted nuts and blackberries, I was largely oblivious to the scraggly haired man staring me down.

"So... Pennsylvania Boilermaker, huh?" He was commenting on my sweatshirt, which I had stolen from my husband. It is blazoned, with gold letters: Pennsylvania Boilermaker. I love it. 

"Oh, yes, it's a salute to my alma mater, Purdue University."

"Eh, I'm a unionized contractor/plumber. I know all about boilermakers. But I'm not doing that work any more."

I tilt my head politely and fake smile. You know the one. The smile that says, "I'm so unbelievably gracious, but I have little to no interest in talking to you." Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about.

"Yeah... I had a surgery. Can't be doin' that plumbin' no more. I have a scar..." And he begins to hoist his pant leg.

I back politely away, "Oh, that's too bad." But it's too late, he's hiked his pants up, way past his knees, and he's showing me an eight inch scar up his thigh. Way up his thigh.

He then proceeds to tell me about his 16 year old daughter, his contracting woes, his lawyer's advice (apparently, someone is being sued for the horrible surgery he had to go through).

As I meander slowly down the aisle, occasionally backing away politely, he follows me relentlessly.

I hear about how young he is (the guy looks 60+, but apparently he's in his 40s.), I hear about how finding work is hard, I hear about his views on free handouts (he thinks you should take them even if you don't need them), etc., etc., etc. We probably conversed for 10-15 minutes next to the chips. I don't eat chips. He didn't seem to need chips, but there we stood.

And I started grinning.

Because apparently, God wanted to give me a jump start on my new year's goals.

I love new years. Love them.

I love new notebooks, fresh goals, crisp spreadsheets, and planning. I love dreaming of possibilities, and picturing new successes. I know that most of my counterparts are a little jaded. A little tired. A little weary. New years don't always hold the appeal that they should.

And I'm here to say, "I'm sorry."

It doesn't have to be that way.

In 2015, I entered the year battling massive lies and worries. I made 3 goals. I didn't think I could handle any more. I was right.

My biggest goal was that I would steadfastly cling to the fact that I was "beloved" by God, and that I could peacefully abide in Him. I didn't know what abiding looked like. And I didn't feel very loved.

But I learned something. God likes it when our goals are in pursuit of Him. When it's not a waistline, better life, prosperity goal. He loves it when we picture a deficiency, cry out to Him, and run in truth. Day after day.

You need goals. You need to identify weaknesses. You need to plan to change. Because while the Holy Spirit does tremendous things with our weakness and blind willingness, he can also work so much more powerfully through intentional running, and crying, and clinging, and seeking.

Goals help you do this.

I can say, without the slightest reservation, that God changed my soul this year. My heart is filled with peace, and I am wrapped in the unconditional love of my Savior. I am more aware of what abiding, daily seeking, daily relying on my Savior looks like. I'm not flawless, obviously, but I've grown, and I'm so unbelievably thankful.

Enter 2016.

I started praying two weeks ago about my plan for 2016. And like a typhoon, a lightning bolt, and a tsunami, the truth came crashing in on me. That still small voice whispered in a decimating way, "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near."

I am not gentle. I desperately want to be. But I tend strongly towards sledgehammer, just-do-it, suck-it-up-chump, tendencies. But after a year of experiencing the unconditional grace and love of my Father, I realized that I desperately need to show the same love to others.

Which is probably why God chose to kick off my new year's celebration prep with a lonely, grizzled old(ish) man in a super-market. He needed some grace and gentleness. 

So your new year's party may be a bummer (I don't think I've been to one that wasn't...), but 2016 doesn't have to be. Praying that you find the grace and grit to dig into the new year. I'll be waiting here, ready to listen, because, after all, gentleness does a lot of listening. 

Happy 2016!