Joy... Can Come In Trials

Well, it’s all very well, and good to wake up one morning, say, “I’m going to be joyful
today.”
It’s a completely different thing to actually successfully live with joy. Fifteen minutes after you’ve finished a beautifully crafted prayer on the subject, you find yourself grumpy at your husband for finishing off the milk, and gloomy because you have nothing to wear, and after all, no one really cares about you, do they?

Over the next couple of days, we're going to look at 3 passages in which joy is more completely unwrapped. I’m hoping to give you a list of 7 ways to actively pursue joy, because when it comes to daily battles, the bigger the arsenal, the better. Let’s start with James 1: 2-4.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Joy can come in trials. As we saw yesterday, joy is not a product of our circumstances. Joy exists in spite of our circumstances. Trials are brought into our lives to develop maturity, to make us more like Christ.

I have no idea what you are facing: lost job, exhaustion, physical difficulties, a spiritual drought, death, a feeling of helplessness... I don't know. And I can't understand what you are suffering or the pain which you are encountering. Your cloud may be very, very black.

But here's what I do know. You are in that cloud because it is good. Not candy canes and roses good, but conforming into Christ's likeness good. Romans teaches us "that for those who love God all things work together for good... he also predestined [them] to be conformed to the image of his Son." "Good" does not equal pleasure. "Good" equals changing us to be like Christ.

The grace with which you accept a trial is directly tied to how great your desire is to conform to Christ’s likeness.

Rejoicing through a trial develops "steadfastness." Steadfastness is not to be discounted… you learned things about Christ in your first trial as a Christian, which you now take for granted. You cannot buy lessons and growth. Your trials teach you things about Christ, your God, which you could not, and would not learn any other way. Continued steadfastness results in a faithful, consistent, growing life…and you will be perfect, and not lacking anything. (In heaven!)

Okay, so joy’s not dependent on circumstances, and these trials are useful in conforming us to Christ. Christ our Savior was also tested and Hebrew tells us this "perfected" our already perfect Savior. If Christ, the spotless lamb of God had to suffer, who am I to say that I don't need the same lessons?

The Bible Says Joy Is...

The word “rejoice” in my convicting I Thessalonian’s verse "Rejoice always" is the Greek word “chairo” which occurs 75 other times in the New Testament. The word for “joy” is the Greek word “charah” which appears 59 times in the New Testament. Clearly, joy is a well documented part of the New Testament church. But what is joy?

The proverbial Webster’s states that joy is “the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good
fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires”

So apparently, these people in the New Testament had multiple encounters with well-being, success, and good fortune...

Acts 5:40-41 when they had called in the apostles, they beat them and charged them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name.

II Corinthians 7:4 “Great is my confidence in you; great is my boasting on your behalf. I am filled with comfort ; I am overflowing with joy in all our affliction.”

I Thessalonians 1:6 You also became imitators of us and of the Lord, having received the word in much tribulation with the joy of the Holy Spirit,

Hebrews 10:34 For you showed sympathy to the prisoners and accepted joyfully the seizure of your property

James 1:2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials

Philippians 2:17 But even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I rejoice and share my joy with you all.

Colossians 1:24 Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake

I Peter 4:13 but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing,

Do you get it?! Joy in the New Testament is not a result of Webster's "well-being, success, and good fortune." Look at what these baby believers went through! They were threatened, beaten, and plagued with affliction. These individuals went through suffering so acute it was labeled "tribulation." They're property was seized and confiscated. And they had joy. Paul speaks of joy as his life is literally spilling out of him.

How?

Because joy is not an emotion. Joy is not dependent on the circumstances of life.  Joy is a fruit of the Spirit, and just like self-control, patience, and kindness, it must be cultivated, through the help of the Holy Spirit in each believer's life.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

From this passage in Galatians we know two things:
1. we need the Holy Spirit to accomplish any of these qualities
2. There is sacrificing of the flesh which must go hand-in-hand with the Spirit. The next verse states, “and those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”
We've determined that joy is a spiritual discipline which is lacking in our depression riddled world and church. We know that joy is not dependent on our circumstances. Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit which must be cultivated.

How?

Joy? How?

Every year in the United States 19 million people, over the age of 18, are affected by depression. Of these 19 million, 12 million are women. Clinical studies tell us that approximately 1 in 8 women in America, will develop clinical depression in their life time. Women experience depression at approximately 2x the rate that men do.

I grew up in a Christian family. I was saved at an early age, and the gift of joy seemed to bubble out naturally as a result of Christ's saving work. Throughout elementary school and high school, I had the typical fluctuation in moods (perhaps even more than typical, given my dramatic nature), but my joyful bubbliness would soon resurface with little, to no effort from myself. God is good.

However, when I began college, and then even more so as I entered graduate school, I began to battle increasingly black moods. The joy would still peak through, but it was very conditional on my circumstances. (And circumstances during the lean, stressful college years were not always favorable.) I had brief, passing thoughts of how lovely it would be to die. I battled chronic health problems which drained my energy and delight in life. I was to survive. No more. No less. In graduate school my fear of man kept me in constant turmoil as I was evaluated over and over and over again.

I was a joyless, bitter, miserable mess.

I was "depressed."

Depression is not, in and of itself, the cause. Depression is the fruit. And each time, standing in the midst of the blackness and pity, depression is a fog, I saw two things: women who lived their lives with passionate joy and I Thessalonians 5:16: “Rejoice always.” This is not a suggestion. It is a command. God commands us to be joyful.

God does not give commands that He does not also provide the strength to follow. “for His commands are not burdensome,” (I John 5:3) So I am clearly called to be joyful... but how?

How am I to "rejoice" and cultivate joy?

Negative Transparency

When I first got married, I was on my guard. A lot. My fiance (now husband) had repeatedly told me that I needed to be open with him. Transparent. That I had to share my life.

I am a naturally effervescent individual. I didn't think that would be so hard, but I did know that I always wanted people to think I was perfect, to view my life through a rosy, hazy glow of golden delight. Kind of like a Pinterest post... perfect, artsy, well-lit. And completely not practical.

So I made a concerted effort to share with my new husband. I was determine that I would not be one of those women who isn't transparent with her spouse. I told him about my crappy days, my horrible moods, my freak "flash-fears" (you know, those brief terrifying moments in which you think, "I may lose all my hair!" or "When I'm old, I'll be one of those women who has to visit the podiatrist in order to get her claw-like toe nails clipped."). I told him about my struggled spiritually. I told him my fears about our relationship, our future.

I was honestly, gut-wrenchingly, persistently transparent.

About the bad stuff.

I took it for granted that he would know that I was delighted at the golden sunrise, his amazing pancakes, and the cuddle I got from a little patient that day. Of course he would know that I was growing in joy, developing a deeper love for prayer, and growing my passion for the world-wide church. My love for hip-hop and dance parties, the delight I get in picking blueberries, and my latest victory at work--he had to know about those. Of course.

Except that I wasn't telling him.

I would come home, determine to be transparent about my day, and my transparency turned into a litany of my struggles. Because that's being transparent, right? Surely people know the good things, right?

Nope. Not right.

People have to be told the happy moments too. Especially men. That's not a slam. It's a fact. You share troubles and worries, and they're immediately side-tracked, determined to solve those troubles. I married my knight in shining armor, so he was pretty much sold on the idea of erasing all my worries and cares. So, I would come home, dump worries and cares on him, and he would spend the rest of the night mentally (or verbally) trying to solve them.

Then he started saying things like, "I'm so sorry you're unhappy." "I'm so sorry marriage is so difficult for you." "I'm so sorry that your life has turned into this since you've married me."

And then I was confused. You see, I was (am) ecstatically happy. I love my honey. I thought life couldn't get any better, and I harbored a secret little sorrow that not everyone could marry a man as wonderful as Scott. (Because there is only one Scott, and I got him.) Sure, work was sometimes hard, life isn't perfect, and God gives us moments of trials to make our desire for heaven grow, but as a whole, I lead a charmed, delightful life. Why on earth did my husband think I was miserable with him?

It's because I only shared the bad things. In my book, transparency is something raw and real. It's something you are struggling with and need help to share. When people are "transparent" in church circles, it's usually because they're sharing something very painful or vulnerable, weakening. People aren't called "transparent" when they bubble over with joy. And so, I had morphed into my view of transparency, so that my husband would be able to connect with me. And my transparent joy had drifted out of my conversation.

What's wrong with unadulterated joy? Why, in a ladies' small group, or discipleship conversation, do I feel the need to find something painful and raw? To prove that I'm growing? To prove that God is working on me? What if I'm in a moment where God is working through unstinted blessings? Walks in the sunlight? A period of rest and joy?

Transparency is not negative, raw, painful emotions. Transparency is a delighted, inward look at how God is changing and growing me.

I'm still working to correct months of "negative transparency." Developing a certain communication style is hard to change, but I'm delighted that I get to change by talking more about the delights God is lavishing on me. I'm so deliciously happy!

My Tame Sin

I am a boring person. Completely unoriginal. And tame. Excessively tame. I live comfortably within my own four walls, and have little to no concern about the world surrounding me. Every now and then I peep out my little window, but I quickly draw back with a shudder. Everyone outside my little walls seems a little... dirty. I pride myself, with a little ruffle of my perfectly coiffed hair, that I'm not nearly as dirty and sinful as those I've gotten a glimpse of. I'm appropriately moved to sorrow at their condition, and then I go right back into my own comfy cave of darkness.

I'm not starting bonfires of sin, I'm cuddling right up next to it with a dreamy sigh.

You see, while others may go out and light a giant bonfire in commemoration of their sin-- lighting up the sky with fireworks of "Look! I'm sinning!", I don't. My idol doesn't parade around in the traditional sense of the word. Instead, it creeps up beside me... in the form of comfort.

You see, more than rebellion and flagrant thumbing of my nose at rules and regulations, my sin takes a more tame, insidious bent.

I love comfort. Love it. I like pants with elastic waistbands, naps, and microwaveable foods. I like days when I can sleep in, and piles of books to bury myself in. I like a complete lack of to-do lists and a complete disregard of goals or ambition. I would like to have life handed to me on a silver platter, thank you very much. I don't want to strive, sweat, or groan... those sound too painful and miserable. I just want to curl up in my sweatpants and wait peacefully until I'm ushered into a blissful and (need I say it?) restful eternity.

Comfort masquerades as a right, as a friend, as something which should be allowed (at least one weekends, right?). But the truth is, if I'm living my life as I should, comfort should not be an option.

"But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty... You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. Everyone will hate you because of me... For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him... In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials."

In truth, my desire to curl up in my comfort is a disgusting commentary on my eagerness to roll around in the filth of my sin. Harmless items, such as sweatpants and lazy Saturdays, become harmful, poisonous substances when I worship them above the plans of my Savior. 

I am not designed to seek comfort. I'm designed to proclaim the glory of God. I should be living my life in reckless abandon for His fame. I should be pushing aside even the fluffy, quiet sin, in horror of its creeping comfort in the same way as I am of the firework sins. I'm not brave or creative in my sin. But I'm shockingly unashamed and consistently tolerant of my own condition.

Why am I not pushing it away? Why am I not fighting? Why am I not running from this?

Perhaps it's the tame sins which are the most deadly.

Just as a "Head's Up"

Hello, readership! I would like to draw your attention to the following pages. Along the top of "Just Another Wife," you'll find some pages devoted to some (hopefully) enjoyable, and(sometimes) changing additions.

Just to kick things off, you could read Why Write? which details the purpose of this blog... I firmly believe that writing is both a skill and a gift, and while I'm not sure I have either, I do love it. Writing is one way in which I am seeking to bring glory to God.
Under the Yummies you'll find that week's latest culinary adventure. All culinary attempts can be found by clicking on the "Yummies" category on the left of this page, but the newest escapade is always on my "Yummies" page. I like yummies. And the word "yummies." It makes me feel like I'm feeding a chubby lil' kid. And who doesn't like chubby, kissable cheeks?

Our Story is growing. I'm adding to it bit-by-bit. Love stories are a weakness, and I believe I'm living one of the greatest ever written. Plus, it's a recording for posterity, since I was miserably bad at journal writing during dating/engagement. (I'm notoriously bad at journal writing in general, but I just keep buying them because I'm so in-love with nice bindings and the idea of future generations reading about my daily life.)

As for Passions, this one will be a revolving door, each week highlighting a different concern, passion, or ministry. My favorites may pop up more than once. I believe that American Christians, and perhaps women even more than men, like to cloister ourselves in our comfort and complacency. The bigness of our battle against evil is largely swept under our carefully selected oriental rugs. My goal is that my eyes, as well as yours, will be opened to bigger fights, bigger struggles, and bigger wars than who sang a solo in church this week.

Hope this helps as you explore!

Psalm 16:11

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

 This week, I'm starting a new series on the blog. Born of countless hours battling for joy, studying God's word, and organizing information, I developed a very short summation of joy.

Joy is listed as a fruit of the Spirit, meaning it ranks with self-control and kindness in terms of developed, faithfully practiced actions. Joy is a discipline born of conscious work and effort. However, we frequently view joy as something which ebbs and flows. Something incontrolable that we just hope to fall into. Those are our "good days"-- when we're joyful. And I would argue that it's possible to have "good days" every day.

Welcome to the "Discipline of Joy"!