All I want for my birthday... is a miracle.

I've already started asking for my birthday present.

My birthday isn't until July.

It doesn't matter. I'm already asking.

For my birthday, I want.... to start the adoption process again.

I know. I'm crazy. But everyone was right... when you're a mama, holding your baby, you don't care about all the labor pains (or paperwork headaches), and you just revel in the delight of holding a precious bundle. Being a mommy is an incredible blessing. And I would do the roller coaster of waiting, paperwork, and rejection again in a heart beat.

That's not to say I've forgotten. It will be miserable. And scary. And sad. And it will be that way for many, many days in a row. I will be frustrated. I will cry. I will want to curl up in a ball and never fill out another form again in my life.

And when I'm holding that tiny baby (or older child... I'm flexible), I will spend some nights crying, because I missed so much of their life, because I didn't get to feel him kick, or I didn't get to see her grow. She probably won't like me at first. He probably won't come to me. I won't know what they like or don't like. It will feel like long-term baby-sitting for a little while. Some parts of being an adoptive mama are hard...

But I will look at that little face, with skin that is darker than mine (let's be honest, there aren't many with lighter skin), eyes that are green (or brown, or gray), legs that are long, hair that is thick and straight.... and I will know that I could never have made this perfect baby. Other people gave him his genetics. That baby will become so much like me, and yet be so much her own. And I will be so glad that God is letting me have so much preciousness into our family.

 As I cuddled Grant, our wonderful gift, and he gurgled a smile up at me tonight, I was in awe of God's perfect design for our family. We won't look like everyone's family. We won't be "normal." We'll probably come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and abilities. And I am so excited.

On those days when I will want to be "normal," when I will want to "grow" my babies like everyone else,  when I'm tired of adoption paperwork and fees, I'll look down at my little son, and smile...

Because adoption made us a different family. We will always look different. We will always be different. We will always acquire children in a different way. But in our difference, God works a miracle.

And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

So call me crazy, but this birthday... I want another miracle.